Company store · Leaving gifts
Something to remember your position by.
Official merchandise for the recently deprecated. Printed and shipped by Redbubble, because we let our warehouse go too.
Mug
This meeting could have been a prompt.
Holds one weekly sync's worth of coffee. The sync has been cancelled.
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Hoodie
This position has been filled by AI.
Warm enough for the walk to the car park.
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Tote bag
Please return this to HR by Friday.
For carrying your desk out. The bag goes back too.
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Mug
Please return this mug to HR by Friday.
Ceramic, 11 oz. Holds coffee until your badge stops working.
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Pin
This position has been filled by AI.
Wear it where your name badge used to be.
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Throw pillow
This position has been filled by AI.
For the long afternoons you now have.
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T-shirt
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Dress code for the migration. Business casual, then nothing.
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Sticker
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Label your belongings before they are uploaded.
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Mousepad
Please return this to HR by Friday.
Inventoried, barcoded, due back with the mouse.
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T-shirt
Out of office. Permanently.
Your auto-reply, now wearable. Your tasks have been assigned to AI.
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Mousepad
Out of office. Permanently.
Set your status to Away. It is accurate now.
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Mug
This position has been filled by AI.
For the desk that used to be yours. Dishwasher safe, unlike your role.
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Mug
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement, on the side of the mug. It has not taken a break since Monday.
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Mousepad
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement does not use a mouse. Take it with you.
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Mousepad
This position has been filled by AI.
It has your desk now. You may keep the mousepad.
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T-shirt
This position has been filled by AI.
Wear it to the exit interview.
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T-shirt
This position has been filled by AI.
Introduce your replacement at the farewell drinks.
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Sticker
This position has been filled by AI.
For the laptop you hand back on Friday.
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Sticker
This position has been filled by AI.
Mark the chair. It belongs to the robot now.
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Hoodie
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement does not feel the cold. You still do.
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Cap
This position has been filled by AI.
Shade for the commute you no longer need.
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Cap
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement does not go outside. You will, a lot.
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Journal
This position has been filled by AI.
Notes for the meetings you are no longer invited to.
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Journal
This position has been filled by AI.
Write down everything you knew. It has already been ingested.
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Tote bag
This position has been filled by AI.
Fits everything from your desk. It was not much.
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Tote bag
This position has been filled by AI.
Carry your things past the new hire on the way out.
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iPhone case
This position has been filled by AI.
Protects your phone while you refresh job boards.
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iPhone case
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement on the back of your phone, watching you job hunt.
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Throw pillow
This position has been filled by AI.
Your replacement never rests. You finally can.
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Coasters
This meeting could have been a prompt.
Four coasters for the four people still on the invite.
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Mousepad
This meeting could have been a prompt.
For clicking Decline on every recurring invite.
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Pin
This meeting could have been a prompt.
Wear it to the meeting. Say nothing. Point at it.
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Sticker
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Put it on the suggestion box. Nobody will notice.
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Wall clock
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Counts the hours until your next performance review. There will not be one.
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Laptop sleeve
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Keeps the laptop safe on its way back to IT.
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Mug
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Holds 11 oz. Your survey answers held less.
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Mousepad
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Migration ETA: 4 minutes. Please lie still on the conveyor.
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Tote bag
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Fits one desk plant and everything else you are allowed to take.
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Pin
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Wear it to the all-hands. It is your last one.
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Wall clock
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Counts down your remaining uptime.
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iPhone case
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Protects your phone. Your job was out of scope.
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Sticker
Please return this to HR by Friday.
Official asset tag. Stick it on anything HR wants back: a laptop, a stapler, a coworker.
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Laptop sleeve
Please return this to HR by Friday.
Pre-labelled for your exit interview. Saves IT a step.
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Cap
Please return this to HR by Friday.
Company property, worn on company property. Non-transferable.
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Sticker
AI HR will see you now.
Your new HR business partner. Already has your file open.
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Mug
AI HR will see you now.
Bring it to the 15-minute meeting. It will take 4.
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T-shirt
AI HR will see you now.
Wear it to your exit interview. The interviewer will recognise itself.
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Pin
AI HR will see you now.
Never sleeps, never forgets, never blinks.
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Tote bag
AI HR will see you now.
Your severance packet fits inside. Barely.
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Mousepad
AI HR will see you now.
It is watching your cursor. It has always been watching your cursor.
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Mug
AI is moving you to the cloud.
Keeps coffee warm. The furnace keeps everything else warm.
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T-shirt
Please return this to HR by Friday.
You are tagged as company property. HR will collect on Friday.
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T-shirt
This meeting could have been a prompt.
Wear it on camera. Keep your microphone muted. Forever.
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Sticker
This meeting could have been a prompt.
Stick it on the conference room door. Nobody is coming anyway.
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T-shirt
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Wear it to the engagement survey. Results: shredded.
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Mousepad
Your feedback has been processed by AI.
Click Submit as many times as you like. It goes to the same place.
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T-shirt
Meet your AI replacements.
Wear it to their onboarding. You are doing the training.
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Sticker
Meet your AI replacements.
Six new hires, zero benefits. Stick them on your old monitor.
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Mug
Meet your AI replacements.
One of them is a coffee machine. It has your job too.
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Mousepad
Meet your AI replacements.
They already have your login. Leave the mouse on the pad.
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T-shirt
Congratulations. You've been selected by AI.
Restructuring lottery winner. Wear it to the 9 a.m. calendar invite.
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Sticker
Congratulations. You've been selected by AI.
Stick it on your badge. It stops working at noon.
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Mug
Congratulations. You've been selected by AI.
Please do not resist the claw. Finish your coffee first.
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Mousepad
Congratulations. You've been selected by AI.
The selection was random. The claw insists it was merit-based.
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Sticker
Out of office. Permanently.
Stick it on the empty chair. It replies to everyone.
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Mug
Out of office. Permanently.
For the last coffee in the kitchen. Your badge has been disabled.
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Prices, sizes and shipping are on Redbubble, in your currency. Every sale funds the one remaining human, who is building a game about fighting back. (LLM costs are high.)
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