Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Academic Postdoc jobs? · Latest report #pet5sya2
Your job has an expiration date
October 22, 2028
In 2 yearsConverting years of niche suffering into a single, unread PDF file.
Expert at formatting bibliographies and hiding crushing academic dread.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Writing papers faster than humans can read.
splat.you▸ THESISSYNTHESIZER X-9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
generates statistically significant p-values from noise
You write grant proposals, manage lab experiments, and analyze data for peer-reviewed papers that almost nobody ever reads.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain exactly why the funding agency rejected the last proposal.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
AI takes over your tedious LaTeX citation and reference management tasks.
Month 5
Automation identifies and scrubs outliers from your massive experimental datasets.
Month 10
Language models write grant applications that meet every arbitrary funding requirement.
Month 16
Synthetic reviewers audit your methodology before journals even see the file.
Year 2 · D-Day
The department replaces your entire position with a high-speed data aggregator.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.8%
99.8%
Papers ignored
4.2%
Grant success rate
Infinite
Coffee consumed
Your severance
One lifetime subscription to a defunct academic journal.
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