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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Acquisitions Associate jobs? · Latest report #ef4vh627
Your job has an expiration date
April 14, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsYour Excel shortcuts are cute, but the algorithm is faster.
Expert in LBO modeling and expensive client steak dinners.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Sourcing deals without the lobby lunch.
oof.youAI▸ CAPTABLE ALPHA V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
filters ten thousand listings in a millisecond
You chase brokers and build financial models. We just automate the deal flow and valuation math.
The one thing AI can't do
You can actually convince a stubborn seller to sign the paper over a steak.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Bots start monitoring every broker blast and property listing site.
Month 4
The AI populates your spreadsheets faster than you can type.
Month 8
Standardized deal memos are generated and emailed to partners automatically.
Month 13
Equity managers receive automated portfolio dashboards instead of your pitch.
Month 18 · D-Day
The firm realizes your lunch budget is the only real cost.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.3%
Zero
Cold calls to brokers
Infinite
Deal memo page count
99.9%
Equity raise conversion rate
Your severance
A one-month subscription to a discontinued Bloomberg terminal.
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