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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Analyst Relations Manager jobs? · Latest report #q3xb5cs2
Your job has an expiration date
January 15, 2028
In 15 monthsPaying six figures to bribe people who write reports nobody reads.
Professional flatterer of overpaid industry trend predictors.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Optimizing analyst sentiment through sheer brute force.
bzzt.youAI▸ QUADRANTFIXER V3.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 15 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates quarterly briefing bribe schedules
You spend your days coddling market research analysts to ensure your cybersecurity firm appears in the right quadrant. It is expensive, performative networking.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still distinguish genuine cynicism from performative industry critique over a steak dinner.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Natural language models draft responses to analyst RFIs using existing database knowledge.
Month 3
Algorithmic monitoring of analyst publications identifies shifts in market perception before you do.
Month 6
Autonomous agents coordinate meeting times across analyst calendars without human negotiation.
Month 10
AI automatically publishes curated narratives to satisfy analyst research criteria for inclusion.
Month 15 · D-Day
All analyst interactions transition to a high-speed, programmatic interface requiring zero social lubrication.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95%
24 monthly
Gartner briefings hosted
9.2
Sentiment score achieved
4.6kg
Bullshit per hour
Your severance
One free trial of a cloud security subscription.
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