Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Analytics Engineering Manager jobs? · Latest report #ttws5qzb
Your job has an expiration date
July 24, 2028
In 1 year, 9 monthsTurning your messy data into slightly cleaner but still useless dashboards.
Herder of data cats and professional meeting survivor.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated metrics without the human meetings.
stretchy.youAI▸ SEMANTICSTREAM V9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 9 MONTHSAI's Special Power
deletes redundant database views automatically
You struggle with raw data dumps and meetings about metrics. Automation will just generate the views for you.
The one thing AI can't do
You are the only person who knows why the production table is named 'users_v4_fixed_final'.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 5
Smart agents parse your unstructured data sources without human intervention.
Month 4
Algorithms automatically define metrics based on historical query patterns.
Month 9
Your architectural debates are replaced by a static optimization engine.
Month 15
Admin tasks move to an internal self-service portal.
Month 21 · D-Day
The system runs itself entirely and you log out forever.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.2%
18 hours weekly
Time spent in useless syncs
42 incidents
Data pipeline breaks per month
3 cups
Coffee consumed before daily standup
Your severance
A one-year subscription to a cloud storage service.
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