Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Aquatic Park Safety Tester jobs? · Latest report #tkvdqvht
Your job has an expiration date
May 19, 2029
In 2 years, 7 monthsTesting waters you should have stayed out of in the first place.
Professional splash-zone navigator and UX-compliant floater.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Drowning in data, not in pools.
sluurp.you▸ SPLASHLOGIC V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARS, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
calculates slide velocity with zero splash
You slide down attractions to verify water flow and safety. We have better sensors for that.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense if the water feels vaguely wrong before the machine does.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Submersible IoT nodes track flow metrics without needing a human.
Month 4
High-speed cameras identify structural defects in slide joints automatically.
Month 13
Robotic weight-simulators test ride G-forces for every safety configuration.
Year 1.9
Water-resistant analytics pods report visitor friction points instantly.
Year 2.6 · D-Day
Your aquatic testing role is fully absorbed into the park infrastructure.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 92.9%
Infinite
G-force tolerance
Zero minutes
Average soak time
Always accurate
Safety incident reports
Your severance
A lifetime pass to a dry desk job.
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