Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Atlassian Platform Manager jobs? · Latest report #queuc2z5
Your job has an expiration date
May 19, 2029
In 2 years, 7 monthsMoving tickets faster than a pit crew changes tires.
Configuring Jira permissions for people who don't read them.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
The only ticket manager that never complains.
sluurp.you▸ SYNCDRIVE FLOW-CONTROLLER 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARS, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates ticket backlogs while you sleep
You babysit Jira boards, clean up broken workflows, and pretend that agile rituals make race cars go faster.
The one thing AI can't do
You are the only person who can explain why that ticket was moved to done.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
An AI agent begins auto-closing stale tickets without asking your permission.
Month 6
Pattern matching software takes over the creation of your sprint dashboards.
Month 13
The system automatically adjusts user access based on real-time activity metrics.
Month 21
LLMs begin rewriting your project documentation to be actually coherent.
Year 2.6 · D-Day
A centralized orchestrator handles all project flow without human oversight.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
4 milliseconds
Ticket resolution time
zero
Jira downtime hours
infinite
Workflow bloat factor
Your severance
One free trial of our project management software
Discussion
