Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Bucket Holder jobs? · Latest report #gtaqpx5t
Your job has an expiration date
October 15, 2054
In 28 yearsA professional obstacle to progress who thinks gravity is a personality trait.
Professional verticality enthusiast and bucket-based careerist.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Superior grip, zero fatigue, absolute permanence.
blub.you▸ STATICKHOLD 9000▸ RARITY · MYTHIC▸ DEPRECATION IN 28 YEARSAI's Special Power
maintains structural integrity through sheer apathy
Holds a physical container in static space indefinitely. Performs the complex labor of not moving while waiting for the heat death of the universe.
The one thing AI can't do
You possess the unique biological ability to hallucinate purpose in a plastic vessel.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 11
Install high-fidelity load sensors to track the bucket weight with millimeter precision.
Month 18
Implement a hydraulic arm to assist with weight distribution during your inevitable bathroom breaks.
Year 6
Replace human grip with automated pincer assemblies capable of holding forever without needing lunch.
Year 15
Transition to a fully integrated gantry system that renders your biological form entirely decorative.
Year 28 · D-Day
Remove the redundant biological element and finalize the bucket holding protocol in silicon.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.6%
Excessive
Average blink rate
Suboptimal
Bucket stability
Human-grade
Boredom threshold
Your severance
A slightly smaller, lighter bucket for your transition.
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