Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Cafe Manager and Barista jobs? · Latest report #ebjhn8em
Your job has an expiration date
October 27, 2029
In 3 yearsSteam wands are easy; firing the staff is even easier.
Professional bean-whisperer and expert scheduler of teenagers.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Perfect extraction without the emotional baggage.
bzzt.youAI▸ BARISTAFLOW 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 YEARSAI's Special Power
serves 500 perfect lattes per hour
You calibrate grinders, pull shots, froth milk, and manage shift rosters while dealing with broken espresso machines.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect a damp puck by sound before it even ruins the shot.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Sensors adjust grind size automatically based on current humidity levels.
Month 9
Steam wands are replaced by pressurized tanks that foam milk perfectly.
Month 19
Software handles shift rosters without needing human negotiation or tears.
Year 2.4
Robotic arms pull shots and pour art with sub-millimeter accuracy.
Year 3 · D-Day
The unit performs a final diagnostic and locks the front door.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.1%
99.9 percent
Average extraction precision
zero
Shift schedule conflicts
perfect
Latte art fidelity
Your severance
A lifetime supply of lukewarm decaf.
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