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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Canine Release Technician jobs? · Latest report #p887bmqv
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour career is essentially a glorified, noise-polluting doorbell sensor.
Early-morning nuisance specialist and professional neighbor irritant.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automating the sunrise disturbance cycle.
splat.you▸ BARKGATE PRO 4000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
unlatches every gate before the sun rises
You manually open exterior gates for dogs during early-morning hours. Automation will handle the latching mechanism and noise control efficiently.
The one thing AI can't do
You possess the unique ability to misinterpret a dog's whimper as a genuine existential request.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 9
Sensors identify the specific whine pattern of a dog needing to exit the residence.
Month 6
Robotic grippers replace manual latch manipulation to secure yard safety without human intervention.
Month 12
Ultrasonic dampeners reduce the audible impact of canine excitement during the morning hours.
Month 19
Algorithms learn individual dog habits to open gates precisely before the need arises.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
The human is decommissioned as the system achieves fully automated, silent, and compliant release.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.7%
85 dB
Bark Decibel Output
100%
Neighbor Complaint Rate
12
Avg Daily Gate Cycles
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium silent earplugs.
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