Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Cemetery Salesperson jobs? · Latest report #cbnjq5sb
Your job has an expiration date
May 20, 2029
In 2 years, 7 monthsYou sell final plots to people who are currently still breathing.
Expert in turning existential dread into commission checks.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Finality without the awkward small talk.
bzzt.youAI▸ ETERNIPLOT 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARS, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
calculates grief-adjusted pricing in real time
You pitch burial plots, headstones, and memorial services to grieving families or cautious planners. You manage property records.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense when a family needs a tissue before they ask for one.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Sensors map every plot so customers browse in virtual reality.
Month 6
AI filters obituaries to find leads that are actually interested.
Month 15
Self-service stations show plots so you stop pacing in mud.
Year 2
Algorithms handle the emotional pitch with synthetic empathy tones.
Year 2.6 · D-Day
The system finishes the paperwork without human presence.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
42 minutes
Average pitch time
too high
Emotional burden
112 units
Plots sold annually
Your severance
A lifetime pass to our data-center graveyard.
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