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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Chief Wellness Officer jobs? · Latest report #drp4vim2
Your job has an expiration date
April 14, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsProfessionalizing the act of suggesting people drink more water for salary.
Professional purveyor of mindfulness newsletters and corporate comfort
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated empathy for the corporate soul
ow.youAI▸ ZENMETRIC V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
sends automated sympathy at scale
You spend days drafting generic email newsletters about mindfulness while tracking employee mood surveys. You are the corporate equivalent of a scented candle.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still pretend to care about quarterly burnout metrics during a board meeting.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
An LLM generates your weekly newsletter using templates that sound human enough to ignore.
Month 4
Sentiment analysis software reads survey results in real-time to generate instant, hollow corporate responses.
Month 8
A screen-based avatar runs pre-recorded, low-impact exercise routines during scheduled lunch breaks.
Month 13
Real-time monitoring software flags stress trends before humans even feel them.
Month 18 · D-Day
The wellness function becomes a background API call that sends automated sunshine emojis to Slack.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.2%
4,200/mo
Emails sent
Zero
Meaningful impact
98%
Surveys ignored
Your severance
One free subscription to a meditation app forever.
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