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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Children's Football Coach jobs? · Latest report #k94d3trp
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2030
In 4 yearsTeaching toddlers to kick a ball is just inefficient data collection.
Herder of cats, dispenser of orange slices.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Coaching at 100 percent intensity, zero snacks.
split.you▸ PITCHMASTER PRO 4.0▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARSAI's Special Power
enforces perimeter drills without needing bathroom breaks
Coaches organize drills, manage chaotic group dynamics, and explain basic rules to children. It is basically glorified crowd control with shin guards.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still tell which kid is actually crying versus just wanting attention.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Software automates game-day rosters based on historical attendance and skill-based performance metrics.
Month 10
Networked LED cones guide children through drills with automated audio instructions and location tracking.
Year 1.9
Autonomous carts replace the human snack-manager, ensuring precise caloric intake during hydration intervals.
Year 3
An automated CRM silences sideline complaints using high-decibel white noise generators to maintain order.
Year 4 · D-Day
The entire field is managed by a central unit, rendering the human coach entirely redundant.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95%
99.9%
Snack-time efficiency
100%
Drill alignment
0%
Emotional patience
Your severance
One high-visibility vest and a broken whistle.
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