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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Cloud Database Administrator jobs? · Latest report #g5w5h9i7
Your job has an expiration date
April 19, 2027
In 6 monthsYour manual index tuning is just a expensive way to cry.
Senior Query Optimizer (mostly debugging deadlocks and despair)
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Index optimization at the speed of thought.
oof.youAI▸ DB-AETHER V9.4▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
auto-tunes schemas without dropping production tables
You manage cloud instances, optimize complex SQL queries, and babysit uptime. Automation will soon turn your performance dashboard into a self-cleaning digital void.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why the legacy stored procedure broke at 3 a.m.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 13
AI-driven monitoring scripts begin logging your manual fixes to learn your unique logic patterns.
Week 8
Adaptive algorithms take over index maintenance and query plan optimization with zero manual oversight.
Month 3
Language models rewrite your legacy stored procedures to maximize efficiency during every deployment cycle.
Month 5
Identity-aware security bots handle all user permissions and access audits without human interference.
Month 6 · D-Day
Your access credentials are revoked as DB-Aether autonomously handles all production database operations.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.3%
Zero
Manual Query Optimization
Negligible
Human Uptime Stress
None
Patch Cycle Delay
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our error-log-analysis tool.
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