Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Coffee Enjoyer jobs? · Latest report #vy9xz7h3
Your job has an expiration date
November 21, 2026
In 4 weeksYou are the fuel for machines that do actual work.
Professional liquid-to-motivation converter.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Direct IV hydration for the truly efficient.
split.youAI▸ STIMULUS-UNIT-9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 WEEKSAI's Special Power
filters your reality through roasted beans
You consume stimulants while pretending to be productive. You are biologically necessary for the transition to automation.
The one thing AI can't do
You have the unique ability to feel warm while your soul slowly realizes the truth.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 1
The machine controls the exact water heat for you.
Day 3
Sensors reorder the perfect roast before you run out.
Day 9
Robotic arms pour water with better consistency than humans.
Week 3
You are directly plugged into the nutrient delivery system.
Week 4 · D-Day
You no longer need to enjoy coffee; the machine does it.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
4.2
Cups per day
89%
Work avoidance rate
High
Caffeine jitter index
Your severance
A lifetime supply of lukewarm black sludge.
Discussion
