Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace College Essay Tutor jobs? · Latest report #dua5888g
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsPredicting your predictable clichés before you even finish the first paragraph.
Professional translator of teenage angst into Ivy League prose
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Optimizing narratives for maximum yield
sluurp.you▸ ADMITGEN 4.0▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
optimizes emotional resonance for committee approval
Coaches students through narrative brainstorming and structural revision of admissions essays. Translates teenage angst into palatable, institution-friendly intellectualism.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect when a student is lying about their actual lived experiences.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 12
Integrated plugins catch basic errors before the student even hits your inbox.
Week 8
Algorithms suggest story structures based on successful historical acceptance data.
Month 3
The system adopts the persona of an academic mentor to guide drafts.
Month 5
AI automatically adjusts the essay tone to match specific college marketing profiles.
Month 6 · D-Day
Admissions departments officially prefer machine-optimized essays, rendering human tutelage obsolete.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.8%
94%
Cliché density
4.2
Adjectives per sentence
High
Parental anxiety index
Your severance
One free subscription to a generic thesaurus tool.
Discussion
