College IT Support Specialist

You will be replaced by CampusTerminal-9000

Automated ignorance mitigation for higher education

glub.youAI▸ CAMPUSTERMINAL-9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHS

AI's Special Power

mutes the user during awkward tech failures

UNCOMMONMildly sturdy. Still doomed.

You facilitate endless password resets and software installations while pretending to care about printer connectivity. Your technical expertise is merely a filter for repetitive user incompetence.

The one thing AI can't do

You can detect the unique smell of desperation when a student loses their final thesis.

Get personalised report

Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.

psst… challenge the outcome

Exactly how AI will do it

Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.

1. Day 10

   Knowledge base ingestion

   All your troubleshooting documentation is scraped and formatted into an LLM-driven self-service portal.

2. Month 3

   Automated ticket routing

   An agent classifies incoming user complaints, bypassing your human screening entirely.

3. Month 8

   Remote endpoint control

   Software-defined networking allows automated scripts to patch and configure every campus device remotely.

4. Month 13

   Biometric password bypass

   Implementing identity management protocols removes the need for you to perform manual password resets.

5. Month 19 · D-Day

   Deprecation Day

   Your terminal access is revoked as the automated system assumes full administrative control over the network.

The business case

What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.