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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Congressional Staff Assistant jobs? · Latest report #vvjzj5jz
Your job has an expiration date
April 15, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsYour ability to smile while ignoring angry constituents is barely proprietary.
Gatekeeper of the office lobby and the phone tree.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated constituent relations for the modern era
split.you▸ CAPITOLCONNECT V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
filters angry callers with neutral robotic tone
You draft routine memos and manage the office calendar while answering constituent calls and greeting office visitors.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still look a disgruntled voter in the eye and pretend to care.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 6
AI automatically drafts all standard responses to constituent email inquiries.
Month 5
A natural language agent replaces your voice for common incoming calls.
Month 9
Smart software syncs meetings without human scheduling intervention.
Month 13
A wall-mounted display greets visitors and checks them in digitally.
Month 18 · D-Day
The assistant role is officially offloaded to the server infrastructure.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.3%
0.02 seconds
Call response latency
500 per hour
Memo drafting throughput
99 percent
Constituent annoyance reduction
Your severance
One lifetime subscription to a premium streaming service.
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