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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Corporate Barber jobs? · Latest report #xni56zp8
Your job has an expiration date
September 20, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour career is slipping away faster than that CEO's hairline.
Serial scalp-exposer in high-stakes boardroom environments.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Precision blade-work with zero social awkwardness.
stretchy.youAI▸ EXECGROOM-9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
delivers unsolicited makeovers during quarterly board meetings
You provide high-stakes follicular maintenance in private corporate settings. Your primary service involves scalp-specific grooming and unsolicited aesthetic adjustments for executive clientele.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect the exact moment a CEO realizes they are losing control.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 5
CEOs move to an automated app that schedules self-grooming with high-precision, vision-guided sensors.
Month 5
Advanced LIDAR mapping replaces your subjective eye for scalp topography and hairline recession.
Month 10
Stationary pods installed in executive washrooms replace your mobility with static robotic precision.
Month 15
Regulation mandates non-human interaction to eliminate the liability of razor-wielding humans near company leaders.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
Your access badge is revoked as the ExecGroom-9000 begins full operational service.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.3%
12,000+
Scalps polished
99%
Awkward silences
Substantial
CEO fear factor
Your severance
One complimentary razor and a lifetime subscription to Rogaine.
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