Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Corporate Merger Analyst jobs? · Latest report #3w75q9w2
Your job has an expiration date
May 24, 2028
In 1 year, 7 monthsYour spreadsheet is just a funeral dirge for a failing company.
Professional dream crusher, valuation enthusiast, late-night deck builder
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Calculating the precise moment of total asset liquidation.
oof.youAI▸ ACQUISITIONENGINE V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
liquidates portfolio value in milliseconds
You model asset valuations and risk profiles for massive corporate buyouts. Your life is pure data and endless due diligence.
The one thing AI can't do
You can read the boardroom panic in a CEO's eyes better than a sensor.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Your financial modeling software starts pulling data directly from live feeds.
Month 5
AI scanners replace your manual review of target company tax filings.
Month 10
Intelligent writing bots generate the slide decks you currently spend weeks formatting.
Month 15
Predictive models determine if a merger will fail before you start.
Month 19 · D-Day
The system automatically executes the deal without needing your signature or presence.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.4%
4,200
Synergy slide decks generated
890
Hours spent on midnight conference calls
Sub-optimal
Accuracy of cash flow projections
Your severance
A LinkedIn badge that says "Expert in Pivot"
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