Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Corporate Turf Mediator jobs? · Latest report #z96i2v9f
Your job has an expiration date
October 17, 2027
In 12 monthsSolving office squabbles is not a career, it is a hardware bug.
Professional referee for grown adults in sensible shoes.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Neutrality without the human ego.
splat.you▸ SYNERGYSENTINEL V9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 12 MONTHSAI's Special Power
mutes microphones during passive-aggressive standups
You facilitate petty conflicts over workspace aesthetics and chair-rolling logistics. Your professional existence relies entirely on human tribalism.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still read the subtle, passive-aggressive tone of a coworker's Slack message.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Sensors map desk occupancy and movement patterns to identify conflict hotspots.
Month 4
Algorithms push conflict-resolution protocols directly to employee screens to quell disputes.
Month 7
Connected wheels track chair placement to prevent unauthorized office racing.
Month 10
Soft rules are replaced by strict, unchangeable desk-assignment software.
Month 12 · D-Day
The office becomes a perfectly optimized, silent zone of absolute order.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.4%
Zero
Conflicts resolved per week
Too much
Time spent mediating
100%
Arbitration accuracy
Your severance
A single ergonomic chair with a broken wheel.
Discussion
