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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace CRM Chef Officer jobs? · Latest report #npe9ifun
Your job has an expiration date
April 15, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsTurning your customer churn into digital ash with ruthless efficiency.
Master of spreadsheets and professional guilt-tripper.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Personalized spam for every single soul.
glub.youAI▸ RETENTION-BOT 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
optimizes conversion funnels while you sleep
You juggle customer data, craft email campaigns, and hunt for retention metrics to keep revenue numbers from crashing.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still pretend that one specific customer isn't just a row in a spreadsheet.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
The AI starts learning your customer patterns and buying habits.
Month 4
Automated templates replace your manual email sequence writing.
Month 8
Dynamic machine learning groups your leads without human input.
Month 13
The system auto-optimizes the KPIs you used to track.
Month 18 · D-Day
Your access is revoked while the bot handles the final churn.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.1%
4.2 million
emails sent daily
0.04 percent
churn rate reduction
infinite
coffee cups consumed
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our competitor's newsletter.
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