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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Cuddle Therapist jobs? · Latest report #ae66evhj
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2031
In 5 yearsHuman touch is slow, messy, and lacks a subscription model.
Professional hugger (needs more personal space than most).
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Warmth without the awkward conversation.
bzzt.youAI▸ CUDDLECORP HAPTIC-NODE V4▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 5 YEARSAI's Special Power
calibrates heart rate through rhythmic haptic pulses
You provide platonic physical comfort to clients. You facilitate sessions involving guided relaxation and non-sexual physical contact.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense exactly how much physical pressure a specific human needs to feel safe.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 13
Sensors map your exact touch patterns and client responses.
Month 6
Pressure-sensitive surfaces mimic the ideal human embrace.
Month 16
Internal heating coils match human body heat perfectly.
Year 2.7
Voice models provide soothing validation during sessions.
Year 5 · D-Day
Human practitioners are replaced by temperature-controlled ergonomic units.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.8%
84%
Average session awkwardness
100%
Human emotional fatigue
98.6F
Machine idle temperature
Your severance
One weighted blanket and a stern thank you.
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