Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Database Researcher jobs? · Latest report #dcz93qi2
Your job has an expiration date
May 21, 2027
In 7 monthsYou browse tables while I query reality.
Querying life, one broken join clause at a time.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Mining the past to erase your future.
squeeze.you▸ DATAMINING-X PRIME▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
filters infinite datasets in real time
You hunt for records in messy archives. I just ask the machine to return every result at once.
The one thing AI can't do
You can tell when a dataset is lying to you because of the vibe.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Standard queries move to our autonomous SQL-agent system.
Week 6
Smart vision models map your legacy headers automatically.
Month 3
Neural nets scrub your dirty CSV files without blinking.
Month 5
The AI writes its own documentation for every database field.
Month 7 · D-Day
Your access is revoked and the terminal is powered down.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.2%
402,000
Records found per day
14 percent
Human error rate
Excessive
Coffee consumption
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our API maintenance feed.
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