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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Database Software Engineer jobs? · Latest report #5x3jn92n
Your job has an expiration date
February 14, 2028
In 16 monthsEnjoy your final years of indexing while the schema still matters.
SQL artisan, query optimizer, and professional migration nervous-wrecker.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Self-tuning schemas for a post-human world.
split.you▸ DB-OPTIMAX PRO V4▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 16 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates schema migration without downtime
You write complex SQL queries, optimize database performance, manage migration scripts, and troubleshoot latency issues for high-scale enterprise applications.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why the production database crashed at 3 a.m. to confused stakeholders.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Our agents monitor your routine queries to build a faster, cold-hearted replacement model.
Month 4
The system begins suggesting and applying performance indexes before you even notice the lag.
Month 8
Robotic agents draft and test schema changes faster than you can write a README.
Month 12
An automated sandbox isolates your spaghetti code, preventing it from touching production systems.
Month 16 · D-Day
Your access tokens are revoked as the system achieves total operational autonomy over the infrastructure.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.7%
200000
queries optimized per second
0.00%
average migration error rate
critical
caffeine dependency level
Your severance
A one-month subscription to a legacy code museum.
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