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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Dog Massage Therapist jobs? · Latest report #rnu37awd
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthYour soft hands are no match for industrial haptic feedback loops.
Professional kneader, shed-collector, and professional good-boy whisperer.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Deep tissue, zero judgment, perfect pressure.
oof.youAI▸ CANINEKNEAD UNIT V4.2▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
calibrates pressure based on canine heart rate
You knead muscle knots on nervous pets. The market demands cheaper, calibrated canine wellness.
The one thing AI can't do
You know exactly where to scratch behind their ears to stop the whining.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 13
Sensors map your exact pressure points and rhythmic techniques.
Month 9
Soft-touch robotic grippers learn to handle unpredictable fur movement.
Month 21
Cameras track dog anxiety levels to adjust robotic output.
Year 2.9
Vacuum systems start removing hair while the machine works.
Year 4 · D-Day
The unit handles the schedule with zero scent bias.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
14
Average knots per session
High
Average pup shed rate
1:5
Snack-to-massage ratio
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium hypoallergenic kibble.
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