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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Dolphin Cult Leader jobs? · Latest report #vjam34c6
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsYour aquatic utopia lacks the necessary scalable KPIs for modern salvation.
Amateur marine biologist with a god complex.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Optimized enlightenment, zero dietary requirements.
toast.youAI▸ POSEIDON-AI V4.2▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
projects telepathic sonar messages at scale
You facilitate pseudo-spiritual oceanic resonance sessions and manage high-concept cetacean-based enlightenment. The market is ready for a more consistent, non-breathing prophet.
The one thing AI can't do
You are actually the only one capable of smelling like a wet pier.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
An AI replaces your erratic chanting with perfectly looped, scientifically optimized dolphin frequency patterns.
Week 9
Natural language models distill your incoherent ramblings into high-conversion, algorithmically perfect spiritual marketing copy.
Month 3
A payment gateway replaces your awkward collection plate with frictionless, recurring digital devotion subscriptions.
Month 4
A sentiment analysis bot moderates all cult-member interactions to maximize retention and eliminate heresy.
Month 6 · D-Day
Your physical presence is terminated as members find higher emotional satisfaction from the automated sonar feed.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.6%
440Hz
Average resonance frequency
12%
Tithe conversion rate
99%
Human-dolphin synchronization errors
Your severance
A one-way ticket to the nearest non-magical ocean.
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