Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Doom Scroller jobs? · Latest report #jtxe5r7j
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsYour thumb is tired, but your existential dread is entirely performative.
Professional witness to the slow-motion car crash of history
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Curating your collapse in real-time
oof.youAI▸ ANXIETYAGGREGATOR V4.2▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
filters reality to confirm your existing biases
Consumes infinite streams of global tragedy and algorithmic outrage. Maintains a steady state of heightened cortisol through rhythmic vertical thumb movements.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still feel the physical weight of the world ending on your retinas.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Sensors identify your specific flavor of despair to optimize future engagement.
Week 9
Automated agents scrape the abyss so you don't have to touch your screen.
Month 3
Synthetic agents simulate your specific outrage cycle to ensure retention metrics remain high.
Month 5
Direct neural data injection replaces the need for thumb-based content navigation.
Month 6 · D-Day
The system assumes full control of your attention span, effectively deleting the user role.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
842
Average outrage units per hour
Sub-optimal
Thumb-scrolling efficiency
0.003%
Retained information density
Your severance
One free trial of a mood-stabilizing app
Discussion
