Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Elementary School Paraprofessional jobs? · Latest report #u8577cxx
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthYou monitor children; soon sensors will watch them for you instead.
Professional referee for tiny, sticky, energetic humans.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Total surveillance for total recess order.
help!youAI▸ PLAYGROUND SENTINEL MARK IV▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
detects impending tantrums via acoustic analysis
You break up playground fights and monitor cafeteria behavior during lunch shifts. You enforce school conduct rules daily.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense a playground dispute unfolding before it physically turns into a shove.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 2
Sensors identify exact decibel levels that correlate with physical altercations.
Month 10
Vision-guided systems begin tracking student movement patterns across the school yard.
Year 2.2
Smart speakers issue corrective commands before physical intervention becomes necessary.
Year 3.2
Robotic perimeter units replace human patrols on fixed playground routes.
Year 4 · D-Day
The human presence is removed to ensure total playground efficiency.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 92%
4.2
Avg fights per recess
12,900
Spilled milks logged
99%
Rule infractions cited
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to digital detention software.
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