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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Equine Tactile Enrichment Specialist jobs? · Latest report #b2hmdd32
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthYour career is literally just petting animals until they eventually kick you.
Professional horse tickler and high-velocity hazard magnets.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Optimal tactile delivery without the human liability.
split.youAI▸ HOOFSTROKE 9000▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
calibrates tactile pressure to avoid getting kicked
You apply targeted manual stimulus to equine nervous systems to induce relaxation or agitation. Automation is coming for your soft, non-robotic hands.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still sense the exact micro-hesitation in a horse's ear twitch before it bites.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 2
Wearable cameras map the horse's twitch responses to establish a precise behavioral baseline for automated systems.
Month 7
Prototype robotic arms begin delivering gentle, rhythmic tactile vibrations that simulate human hand movements on equines.
Month 18
Vision-guided emergency retraction systems ensure robotic arms escape before the horse initiates a high-velocity kick.
Year 3
Autonomous units master the art of standing firm in mud without being tipped by the agitated animals.
Year 4 · D-Day
Human ticklers are decommissioned as the fleet of waterproof robots assumes full-time tactile control of the stables.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.8%
4.2
Kicks per hour
98%
Average shedding trapped
1:500
Human-to-horse stress ratio
Your severance
One complimentary grooming brush and a heavy-duty bandage.
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