Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Growth Analyst jobs? · Latest report #vdgginak
Your job has an expiration date
September 2, 2027
In 10 monthsYou track funnel drop-offs that our models already predicted last Tuesday.
Senior Funnel-Gazer (expert at finding correlations where none exist).
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated growth hacking for mindless scale.
help!youAI▸ METRICSBOT INFINITY V9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 10 MONTHSAI's Special Power
autogenerates misleading conversion projections at midnight
You interpret A/B test results and slice dashboard metrics to suggest features that supposedly trigger user acquisition.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still lie to the board about why the campaign failed.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 3
Scripts handle your SQL exports before you wake up.
Month 3
AI models generate your weekly insights without manual input.
Month 6
Simulation software runs your A/B tests on virtual users.
Month 8
Bots write and present your growth summaries to leadership.
Month 10 · D-Day
Your login is revoked as the system optimizes itself forever.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.1%
4,000/sec
Funnel drop points found
0%
Excel tab fatigue
Microseconds
Strategic pivot speed
Your severance
One free trial of a competitor's analytics suite.
Discussion
