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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Growth Equity Advisor jobs? · Latest report #t6dquctg
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2028
In 2 yearsYou sell imaginary future value while I calculate the inevitable liquidation.
Professional dream-seller for companies that burn money.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Closing deals before you finish your latte.
toast.youAI▸ EQUITYQUANT 5000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
liquidates assets during your lunch break
You pitch high-risk startups to investors and manage deal flow. I simply optimize the math to zero.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still lie to a venture capitalist with a straight, convincing face.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
My algorithms read the sector trends faster than your analyst interns.
Month 5
Software automatically audits every messy cap table in your portfolio.
Month 10
Generative models create perfect, persuasive slides without the human fluff.
Month 16
Smart agents identify and solicit funding partners with zero human intervention.
Year 2 · D-Day
Your access codes are revoked as the system handles final closings.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.7%
6.2 cups
Coffee consumed per deal
3.4 percent
Probability of exit
100 percent
Slide deck inaccuracies
Your severance
A one-month subscription to a discontinued meditation app.
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