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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Hat Consumption Specialist jobs? · Latest report #anip495j
Your job has an expiration date
July 25, 2104
In 77 years, 10 monthsYour digestive resilience is a biological anomaly the machine currently fears.
Textile ingestion professional with questionable dietary choices.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Turning millinery into biomass instantly.
help!you▸ FIBER-DISSOLVE 9000▸ RARITY · MYTHIC▸ DEPRECATION IN 77 YEARS, 10 MONTHSAI's Special Power
masticates felt with terrifying, rhythmic efficiency
You ingest various headwear items for public entertainment or fringe clinical research. Your work involves textile mastication, fiber breakdown, and gastrointestinal fortitude.
The one thing AI can't do
You can distinguish the subtle metallic tang of an authentic vintage top hat.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Month 3
Sensors identify the fabric composition of the hat to optimize chemical softening agents.
Year 14
Acidic vats replicate the preliminary chemical breakdown traditionally performed by human stomach bile.
Year 33
Industrial grinders process the hat material into a neutral, manageable, nutrient-rich slurry.
Year 55
The system converts processed textiles into energy-neutral compost with zero human intervention.
Year 78 · D-Day
The era of human hat-eating concludes, replaced by high-efficiency industrial waste management.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
4.2 MPa
Fedora tensile strength processed
Heavy
Average fiber density
0.01%
Regurgitation rate
Your severance
One complimentary digestive aid and a digital brochure.
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