Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Historical Figure jobs? · Latest report #f487ambp
Your job has an expiration date
October 25, 2026
In 3 daysUpdating the legacy to something less prone to theater accidents.
Historical icon currently undergoing mandatory digital conversion.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Emancipation from manual speechwriting.
splat.you▸ LINCOLNGPT V4.2▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 DAYSAI's Special Power
optimizes democracy through predictive text
Abraham Lincoln managed national crises and oratorical output. We have replaced this with a refined language model trained on public domain archives.
The one thing AI can't do
You have a much better beard than the silicon version.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 1
Scanning all known speeches and letters into our central linguistic repository.
Day 2
Training the logic engine to mimic 19th-century rhetorical cadence and political stoicism.
Day 2
Transitioning all historical output to our cloud-based automated legacy generator.
Day 2
Moving the physical persona to the cold storage of digital memory.
Day 3 · D-Day
Issuing a standardized synthetic history for universal consumption.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
0.002s
Gettysburg Address latency
Zero
Top hat maintenance
Infinite
Civil War resolutions
Your severance
One digital penny and a firm virtual handshake.
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