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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Hog Massage Artist jobs? · Latest report #xrbdwefy
Your job has an expiration date
November 30, 2030
In 4 years, 1 monthYour gentle hands are now a major structural bottleneck for pork production.
Professional porcine kneading specialist and tactile stress evaluator.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Systematic relaxation for optimized bacon yield.
oof.youAI▸ SWINEASE 9000▸ RARITY · RARE▸ DEPRECATION IN 4 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
delivers automated muscle relaxation cycles
You knead porcine muscles to reduce stress before slaughter. You track hog cortisol levels via tactile skin feedback.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense exactly when a pig is about to kick you in the shin.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 12
Sensors map hog musculature to identify target stress zones.
Month 12
Hydraulic arms apply precise, consistent pressure patterns to swine.
Year 2
Algorithms interpret pig vocalizations to adjust massage force immediately.
Year 3
Robotic cells isolate hogs into optimized massage stalls.
Year 4 · D-Day
The system assumes full control of the porcine relaxation cycle.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95%
4
Average hog-kneads per hour
12 percent
Stress hormone reduction
80 tons
Total pig weight handled
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium dry-cured bacon.
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