Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Hollywood Icon jobs? · Latest report #jibiz6b9
Your job has an expiration date
April 20, 2027
In 6 monthsDigital immortality is cheaper than your stunt insurance premiums, Keanu.
Professional legend, stunt-performer, and screen-presence expert.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Uncanny valley? No, just profitable perfection.
toast.youAI▸ KEANUSYNTH V4.0▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
projects perfect stoicism for ten thousand movies
You memorize lines, perform dangerous stunts, and maintain a stoic, brooding public persona. We can render your likeness in high-fidelity for every possible cinematic universe simultaneously.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still be genuinely awkward in interviews without triggering a software crash.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 5
We capture every pore and micro-expression to create a fully-riggable digital avatar.
Week 10
The AI learns your signature cadence to deliver lines with zero emotional fatigue.
Month 4
A physics engine replaces your stunt work with mathematically perfect collision simulations.
Month 5
Generative models produce press-ready responses to keep your public image consistent.
Month 6 · D-Day
Human Keanu is officially rendered obsolete by an infinitely scalable cinematic asset.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 99.9%
99.9%
Stunt-Double Efficacy
Optimized
Brooding Intensity
Zero
Contractual Liabilities
Your severance
A lifetime supply of digital body-double residual tokens.
Discussion
