Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Long/Short Equity Analyst jobs? · Latest report #6ebekbre
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2028
In 2 yearsModeling alpha while the market liquidates your relevance in real-time.
Junior Analyst (expert at formatting slide decks until midnight).
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Superior pattern recognition, zero emotional baggage.
squeeze.youAI▸ ALPHASYNTH V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
front-runs your trade execution in milliseconds
Synthesize earnings call transcripts and balance sheets to build complex DCF models. Monitor sector sentiment to pitch long or short positions to Portfolio Managers.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still distinguish genuine corporate optimism from blatant, auditor-defying balance sheet manipulation.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Deploy vision models to extract structured financial data from raw 8-K filings and transcripts.
Month 4
Replace manual DCF builds with iterative neural networks that backtest against global historical volatility.
Month 12
Utilize natural language processing to weigh executive tone during earnings calls against actual price action.
Month 16
Generate automated investment briefs that directly execute trade orders without needing human committee approval.
Year 2 · D-Day
Archive your Excel templates and decommission your terminal access as the algorithm assumes full control.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.8%
14 per week
Sentiment misreads
4 daily
Excel crashes
0.02 pct
Alpha decay
Your severance
Three months of premium data terminal access.
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