Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Mascot jobs? · Latest report #3j3wbhe2
Your job has an expiration date
November 16, 2029
In 3 years, 1 monthYou are just a walking liability suit inside a swampy polyester bag.
Professional foam-suit wearer and expert at high-fiving strangers.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Synthetic enthusiasm with zero body odor
oof.youAI▸ JOY-PROJECTION POD V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 YEARS, 1 MONTHAI's Special Power
projects perfect joy into empty crowds
Performing high-energy routines in restrictive foam suits to manufacture synthetic joy for disinterested stadium audiences.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still make a crying toddler smile without needing a software update.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 11
Sensors map crowd reactions to optimize synthetic mascot movements.
Month 8
Stadium screens begin projecting high-definition avatars instead of physical performers.
Month 16
The smell of stale foam and desperation is permanently eliminated.
Year 2
Projection units mimic real-time crowd energy with zero delay.
Year 3.1 · D-Day
The physical costume is recycled into industrial soundproofing materials.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.6%
12 per season
Average heat exhaustion incidents
99.9 percent
Synthetic cheer efficiency
0.02 cents
Cost per high-five
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our holographic mascot rental.
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