Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Merchandise Store Assistant jobs? · Latest report #8bcbhuyw
Your job has an expiration date
October 22, 2029
In 3 yearsYour ability to fold scarves neatly is impressive, but entirely unnecessary.
Professional jersey folder and inventory box mover.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
The only teammate who never misses a sale.
stretchy.youAI▸ KIT-KIOSK 9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 3 YEARSAI's Special Power
scans thousands of items per minute
You stock shelves with team jerseys, handle customer checkouts, and manage inventory in a high-traffic retail environment.
The one thing AI can't do
You can discern if a fan is genuinely upset or just negotiating for a discount.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
RFID sensors will track every item without your manual scanning.
Month 5
Self-service cabinets replace the counter during quiet weekday hours.
Month 13
A gantry system pulls items from the backroom to the shelf.
Year 2.1
Software adjusts jersey costs based on live team performance data.
Year 3 · D-Day
The store becomes a fully automated, human-free merchandise vending zone.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96.3%
12 seconds
Average jersey folding time
90 seconds
Customer wait tolerance
14 percent
Shirt-size misplacement rate
Your severance
A lifetime discount on jerseys that never fit.
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