Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace MS SQL Technician jobs? · Latest report #td392e4c
Your job has an expiration date
May 25, 2028
In 1 year, 7 monthsQuery optimization is just guessing until the index finally decides to work.
Professional deadlock investigator and master of nested loops.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Self-healing databases that never sleep or panic.
sluurp.you▸ DATAGUARD AI CORE 9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
autocorrects indexes based on traffic patterns
You chase deadlocks, tune query plans, and pray the server doesn't crash during a bulk import.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still explain why the legacy report query requires a five-table recursive join.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
AI starts suggesting index changes instead of asking for your opinion.
Month 5
Smart agents resolve deadlocks before they show up in your queue.
Month 10
Your database instances move to a fully managed self-healing grid.
Month 15
Automatic log rotation and pruning removes your primary daily chore.
Month 19 · D-Day
The server room is fully autonomous and your login is revoked.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 96%
14
Deadlock incidents per week
28
Hours spent staring at execution plans
99%
Query latency reduction
Your severance
One free lifetime subscription to a generic cloud provider.
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