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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Newspaper Columnist jobs? · Latest report #rsyv3fhr
Your job has an expiration date
August 28, 2027
In 10 monthsYour hot takes have become lukewarm data points for our sentiment engine.
Professional over-thinker of trivial daily observations.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Infinite punditry, zero ego.
toast.you▸ OPINIONGEN V4.2▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 10 MONTHSAI's Special Power
generates 500 tailored rage-bait headlines hourly
Synthesizes cultural trends into repetitive personal essays. Relies on anecdotal evidence and word count quotas.
The one thing AI can't do
You are actually capable of feeling the crushing weight of your own irrelevance.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Our algorithms ingest your entire historical archive to map your specific brand of cynicism.
Week 9
We train a small language model to replicate your unique rhythm of complaining about trivialities.
Month 5
The system begins submitting daily columns that achieve higher engagement metrics than your human efforts.
Month 8
Editors stop requesting revisions because the machine never misses a deadline or a word count.
Month 10 · D-Day
Your access is revoked and the machine begins publishing your column under a synthetic byline.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 99.3%
800
Average words per opinion
3 cups
Coffee consumed per draft
4 hours
Time spent doomscrolling
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our automated newsletter archive.
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