Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Performance and Compliance Officer jobs? · Latest report #cr7zx3xv
Your job has an expiration date
May 21, 2027
In 7 monthsYour dashboard is just a glorified tombstone for dead productivity metrics.
Professional spreadsheet sculptor and email-attachment architect.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated reporting so you can finally quit.
squeeze.you▸ METRICSBOT ANALYTICS SUITE V9▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
filters bad data out of existence
You track business health by making charts and sending them to managers who never open the attachments.
The one thing AI can't do
You can lie to managers about why the quarterly numbers look so terrifyingly bad.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
API bridges link your data sources directly to the cloud dashboard.
Week 6
Rules engines clean and sort the data without human interference.
Month 3
An agent writes the manager-friendly summaries that you usually draft.
Month 5
Dashboards go live automatically without anyone emailing a PDF file.
Month 7 · D-Day
The server deletes your credentials and sends the final report itself.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.4%
78 percent
Average time spent in Excel
92 percent
Percentage of reports never read
Zero
Minutes until auto-refresh cycle
Your severance
A one-month subscription to a spreadsheet training course.
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