Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Portfolio Delivery Manager jobs? · Latest report #4phdd9gs
Your job has an expiration date
April 15, 2028
In 1 year, 6 monthsMoving project status dots from red to green is not work.
Status update architect, spreadsheet whisperer, meeting scheduler.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
The spreadsheet that updates itself forever.
oof.you▸ STATUSSYNC V9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 6 MONTHSAI's Special Power
automates status reports while you sleep
You track project timelines and chase teams for status updates. You report portfolio progress to stakeholders using spreadsheets.
The one thing AI can't do
You can sense when a developer is lying about a deadline just by tone.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Scrapers ingest your JIRA data directly into real-time dashboards.
Month 4
Algorithms send gentle, persistent reminders to team leads for progress.
Month 8
Statistical models flag project delays before your meeting even starts.
Month 13
Slide decks are auto-generated based on real-time code deployment data.
Month 18 · D-Day
The system assumes control of all delivery comms.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 98.4%
4,200 annually
Emails sent to nudge devs
78% of day
Time spent in status meetings
112 total
Spreadsheet tabs managed
Your severance
One free trial of a calendar blocking app.
Discussion
