Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Portfolio Management Analyst jobs? · Latest report #57u494vx
Your job has an expiration date
September 2, 2028
In 1 year, 10 monthsTurning your complex spreadsheet models into a single efficient database query.
Master of VLOOKUP and professional nervous tick haver.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Real-time returns with zero human bias.
split.youAI▸ ASSETALLOCATOR-X9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 10 MONTHSAI's Special Power
autogenerates quarterly reports in three seconds
You track investment performance using Excel models and pivot tables to generate reports for internal stakeholders.
The one thing AI can't do
You can successfully lie about the model's confidence interval to calm an angry client.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 5
Direct API connections replace your manual CSV export and import process.
Month 5
Python scripts now generate your weekly summaries before you arrive.
Month 10
Generative models build your slide decks based on raw performance data.
Month 15
Machine learning evaluates portfolio variance faster than any analyst can.
Month 22 · D-Day
The system assumes full control and logs you out permanently.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.3%
4.2
Spreadsheet errors per week
72 percent
Time spent in meetings
85000
Data points processed daily
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to our basic spreadsheet software.
Discussion
