Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Portfolio Strategist jobs? · Latest report #phyw525t
Your job has an expiration date
May 25, 2028
In 1 year, 7 monthsFeeding donor spreadsheets to a hungry machine that never asks why.
Professional spreadsheet sculptor of academic gold mines.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated wealth extraction for the modern nonprofit.
toast.youAI▸ DONORYIELD ENGINE V4.2▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
predicts donor churn with cold precision
You track donor lifecycle metrics and analyze gift pipelines. Your day is spent wrangling data into strategy reports.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still read the subtle anxiety in a major donor's body language.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 6
AI flags high-potential donors based on your historical data patterns.
Month 4
Algorithms replace your manual report generation with live dashboards.
Month 8
Bots send personalized donor solicitations without needing human approval.
Month 14
Leadership stops asking you for analysis and checks the terminal.
Month 19 · D-Day
Your account access is revoked in favor of total automation.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.5%
42
Spreadsheets per day
12%
Coffee-induced strategic clarity
8 per week
Meetings about future meetings
Your severance
A LinkedIn recommendation and one month of free coffee.
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