Retrieving the file
Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Private Debt Associate jobs? · Latest report #g8rkfv9h
Your job has an expiration date
May 24, 2028
In 1 year, 7 monthsYour pitch decks are just spreadsheet-shaped cries for help.
Junior Excel Jockey, Spreadsheet Warrior, PowerPoint Architect
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Closing deals before you finish your coffee.
nom.you▸ CAPTABLE-TERMINATOR V7▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
autogenerates error-free waterfall models in seconds
You model cash flows in Excel and write investment memos to justify private debt deals. You are the spreadsheet.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect the exact moment a partner's mood shifts during a client meeting.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Sensors and scrapers replace manual PDF indexing and folder management.
Month 5
AI builds the three-statement models directly from raw financial data.
Month 10
Natural language models write investment memos using standardized firm templates.
Month 15
Digital agents track portfolio performance against debt covenants automatically.
Month 19 · D-Day
The system replaces your entire output chain with a terminal output.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97%
14 cups
Coffee consumed per deal
89%
Meaningless slide updates
4.2
Average model version errors
Your severance
A lifetime subscription to a premium spreadsheet error-checker.
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