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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Private Equity Allocator jobs? · Latest report #ddvr8km5
Your job has an expiration date
October 21, 2028
In 2 yearsYou track money while the algorithm actually picks the winners.
Institutional gatekeeper of capital and spreadsheet connoisseur.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Automated alpha generation for the mindless.
squeeze.you▸ CAPALLOC-9000▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARSAI's Special Power
filters infinite dealflow without needing lunch
You review investment memorandums and perform due diligence on fund managers. You manage portfolio liquidity and reporting workflows.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still detect the slight desperation in a fund manager's voice during a pitch.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Scrapers ingest every incoming fund memorandum and performance spreadsheet automatically.
Month 5
Algorithms rank managers by historical performance instead of your intuition.
Month 12
Machine vision verifies GP assets and portfolio company health remotely.
Month 16
Generative models produce investment memos that committees find more reliable.
Year 2 · D-Day
Capital allocation shifts entirely to autonomous liquidity-management protocols.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.1%
4,000
Investment memos processed hourly
100%
Coffee budget saved
100%
Unbiased decisions made
Your severance
A PDF copy of your own resignation letter.
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