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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Private Equity Firm Owner jobs? · Latest report #isedc9iw
Your job has an expiration date
May 19, 2029
In 2 years, 7 monthsPredicting market failure is easier than you think when you are binary.
Professional vulture, master of the leveraged buyout
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Liquidating humanity, one acquisition at a time.
oof.you▸ CAPITALFLOW V.9▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 2 YEARS, 7 MONTHSAI's Special Power
liquidates portfolio via automated bidding engine
You leverage debt to acquire undervalued assets and strip them for parts. Your entire value proposition is essentially a spreadsheet with a higher risk appetite.
The one thing AI can't do
You can still lie to a donor’s face without triggering a logic fault.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Day 10
Algorithms begin scanning every SEC filing and public database to map your entire investment pipeline.
Month 5
AI models flag distressed companies faster than your associates can finish their first espresso.
Month 13
Smart contracts handle the initial term sheets, eliminating the need for your inflated advisory fees.
Year 2.1
Decision-trees automatically fire the bottom 10 percent of employees across your entire holding company portfolio.
Year 2.6 · D-Day
The algorithm executes the final merger, rendering your leadership and your carried interest completely obsolete.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 95.2%
8 trillion
Spreadsheet rows processed
0
Human gut checks
99.9%
Asset stripping efficiency
Your severance
Two weeks of server time and a clean audit.
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