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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Private Funds Analyst jobs? · Latest report #adqnvt3d
Your job has an expiration date
December 17, 2027
In 14 monthsYour model has a circular reference, and your career is next.
Master of keyboard shortcuts and 3 a.m. pitch decks.
Check another roleComment your opinionor JOIN THE RESISTANCE!
One human is building a game about fighting back.
Data crunching without the coffee breaks.
toast.you▸ EQUITYSCAN 9000▸ RARITY · COMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 14 MONTHSAI's Special Power
flags bad irr calculations in milliseconds
You spend all day scrubbing Excel models for private equity funds. Then you draft endless internal investment committee memos.
The one thing AI can't do
You can correctly identify which partner is currently having a mid-life crisis.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 4
Automated scripts start pulling your fund data directly from banks.
Month 4
AI agent builds your valuation models with zero cell errors.
Month 8
Large language models write your committee memos in seconds.
Month 12
Software automatically updates your investor slides with live market data.
Month 14 · D-Day
The system replaces you and sends you a generic thank-you email.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97%
482
VLOOKUP count per day
too high
Coffee consumption rate
daily
Venture capital deals missed
Your severance
A one-year supply of high-end energy drinks.
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