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Live· 4,218,906 positions deprecated· 4,218,906 deprecated· 1,284 today
Average time-to-redundancy: 11.3 months
Know before your role does.
pssst. this is to sign up for updates on the game ;)
Will AI replace Professional Beard Scratcher jobs? · Latest report #49jg45rc
Your job has an expiration date
September 21, 2028
In 1 year, 11 monthsYour hands are slow, your pressure is inconsistent, and your focus wanders.
Analog tactility enthusiast in a digital follicle age.
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One human is building a game about fighting back.
Perfect grooming at four hundred RPM.
stretchy.youAI▸ FOLLICLESMOOTH-7▸ RARITY · UNCOMMON▸ DEPRECATION IN 1 YEAR, 11 MONTHSAI's Special Power
calibrates follicle tension in real-time
You provide tactile beard maintenance. You manually stroke and untangle facial hair for clients.
The one thing AI can't do
You can detect the subtle emotional weight of a bad day through beard texture.
Your enemy, your name, your date. Post it.
Step by step, from the first quiet change to Deprecation Day.
Week 9
Sensors map the growth pattern of the client's beard.
Month 6
Robotic arms learn the exact pressure required for scratching.
Month 13
Pincers are cushioned to prevent accidental skin nicks.
Month 19
The machine begins processing clients without needing a nap.
Year 1.9 · D-Day
Manual beard scratching is officially obsolete and replaced by silicon.
What you cost, what the machine costs, and what you get on the way out.
Per year
Savings: 97.2%
42
Average strokes per minute
12
Hair knots removed hourly
8
Coffee breaks during shift
Your severance
A lifetime supply of premium organic beard oil.
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